Did sombody order tickets to the Gun Show?

Because Virg is packing some serious heat! Check out those guns.

We got Virg's birth certificate the other day in the mail. I haven't gone over all the fine print yet, but I'm sure some place on there is a licence to carry some impressive guns. And by the looks of it, it's no 'concealed weapons' permit. How could you hide cannons like those?

Our Robot Nanny

Just like the Jetsons, we have a robot that can take care of the house. Well, not the whole house, it's more like a nanny then a maid. Actually all it can do is rock Virg, but I do call her Rosie.

Mom doesn't trust our robot, kinda like Will Smith in iRobot. I'm pretty sure it's programmed not to harm humans. By programming I mean the rubber belt and electric motor are still running when I turn it on. The video here shows the swing at it's lowest speed. At higher speeds we take out Virg and insert a cocktail shaker filled with gin and vermouth. Best Martini I've ever had. Next time you go into a bar say "I'd like a martini. Not shaken, not stirred, but rocked like a little baby."

Time to relax with a good book...

It's been a long week for Virg. He's moved to cloth diapers (for the most part), he's up every night to make sure Mom and Dad don't forget how to change dirty diapers, and he's masterd many Yoga poses I could only dream of acheiving some day.

After a long week it's always good to just curl up with a good book in your favorite chair and just chill out. Last night Virg and I finished reading 'I Am Legend' by Richard Matheson. I told Virg it was better then the movie, but he's a big Will Smith fan, so what are you going to do?

Bring us food... and maybe you can hold Virg.

I'm not promising anything, but I have started to noticed a trend. If someone brings us food, they usually end up holding Virg. It's just our way of saying "Please hold this while I consume the calories you've just provided... who are you again?"

Please note, you can not just bring us anything and expect to hold Virg. It must be consumable and non-lethal. We had a man come to our door selling pest control. He was offering to fill all our walls and crawl space with a toxic chemical that would instantly kill all insects and small rodents. I've often wondered what my facial expression must have looked like to him after he made his offer. As a new father of a week old baby, I must have been thinking something between "How much bigger is Virg then the largest rodent in my house, and could Virg take him in a fair fight?" and "Hello Satan! What bring you to my humble home?"

Needless to say, he did not get to hold Virg. In fact I politely asked him to not stand so close to our home... for the next ten years.


Pizza = Holding Virg


Chicken and Rice = Holding Virg



CSA Vegetables = Holding Virg


Deadly poison = NO HOLDING VIRG!!! PLEASE GO AWAY!!!

Mom's soothing tea sneek atack!!

They say in the books that you should wake your baby in a soothing voice and create a comfortable environment for the baby as they exit the land of slumber. Mom may be going a little overboard here with the roses, two types of cake and a cup of tea (with binky). The only thing missing was the doily. I'm proud to say that Virg did just what his Dad would do if someone woke me up the same way... he soiled his pants.

Special thanks to our good friends from the land of Tacoma for the cake and roses. Just remember, Virg may have been asleep the whole time you were here, but that's his way of saying "I like the way you smell". Apparently a baby's sense of smell is it's most advanced sense with taste coming in a close second. I read that on the Internet some place so it must be true. And now it has been referenced in this blog, and that makes it universally true.

New editorial staff for the Blog

Apparently I need an editor when I enter these posts into the Blog. Questions I got from both my wife and mother-in-law.

1) What's a breadbox?

2) Did you know you spelled all these words wrong? ( apparently wear and where is ... whatever I don't' care)

3) What is a jumping flea? (another name for ukulele)

4) Why is the ukulele the greatest instrument created by man? (It was supposed to be funny.

Apparently I'm writing this blog to amuse only myself here)

So I've hired the best possible editor I could find for this blog. It had to be someone who would really care about the blog and have the time and energy to help create the best blog on Virg available. I could only pay with breast milk... so that quickly narrowed down the candidates.

Things are going well so far, but I may have to set some boundaries soon. Virg is a real slave driver and there have been moments of creative differences. While Virg knows Virg the best, I still think I shouldn't' have my creativity stifled. I'm not saying this isn't going to work out, but there have been times when Virg has seemed to take over and dictate what direction the blog should take.

As big as a ... breadbox???

Who in the world has even seen a breadbox? I personally don't think they exist. It's like unicorns, aliens, or a sunny spring day in Seattle.

I once saw a movie where a detective placed a dollar bill next to a footprint right before she took a picture... because apparently like me she doesn't believe in the stupid metric system. Always relate the size of an object to something of similar size. That's what I say! When the world ends and the metric system crumbles, people in the future wont know what a meter is. Might as well just say a meter is equal to a breadbox.

However, since we just had a baby, we don't have any spare money laying about. I found a quarter in the couch, but that picture just didn't turn out. But at least now we have a college fund started for Virg. Only 400,000 quarters to go!

I was going to place him next to my accordion, but some people don't believe in accordions.

So here it is. An accurate historical document that shows Virg is about the same size as a ukulele. Way to go Virg! The little baby bean next to the jumping flea.

The most perfect instrument in the history of the world, and Virg sitting right next to it. Amazing!

How much does Virg weigh?

Virg was 7 lbs. 7 oz. when he was born. At his last doctors appointment he was 8 lbs. something. I wanted to know how much he's grown since Thursday. Since Virg can't stand on my bathroom scale on his own I had to get clever. Here are some simple steps for weighing your newborn baby.

1) Get on scale holding Virg

2) The scale reads 201 lbs. 4 oz.

3) I know that I'd like to be around 180 lbs. or so.

4) Subtract 180 from 201

So Virg weighs about 21 lbs!

Wow... that is impressive. It's true what they say, cherish the time you have with your baby because they grow so fast.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

If a picuter is worth a thousand words, then by my calculations a minute long video should be worth around 100,000,000 words (give or take).

Each day when I get home from work I find I need to sit and just stare at Virg sleeping. It's like watching a lava lamp. For some unexplainable reason it's so relaxing and you just can't take your eye's off him. But unlike a lava lamp there is a element of suspense. Virg could poop, pee, spit up, start crying, or poop even more.

Here is a little vid of Virg in the crib. He's not doing much, but I could watch him for hours. Maybe it's just Dad hormones 'er something.

p.s. The glowing blue light is from the UV bed he had to be on because of Jaundice. It's not because he's an alien baby, or because we tricked out his bassinette to be all cool and stuff with florescent road lights, hydraulics, and a kicking audio system.

A new era of happiness (and poopy diapers)

The past two weeks have been good. Virg is drinking Mom's milk like... well like it was mother's milk. We are getting better at changing diapers. It's almost like being in the pit stop area of a Nascar race.

Quick - get the back up and get that old diaper off! Quick - clean up that mess! Cover! Cover! He's going to ... too late. Get the clean up crew over here with a new diaper.

What we've learned so far.

1) Always cover Mr. Happy. It easier to clean a soiled cloth then the the changing table, the walls and your face.
2) Never point the business end of the baby bum at any trajectory greater then 30 degrees off the changing table. You wouldn't think baby poo could fly so far, but you'd be wrong.
3) If you think you have enough diapers to last you for a few days, you're wrong. If you don't have a stack of clean diapers that is at least as long as your baby. Get more.

Virg continues to teach and we continue to learn.