Too hot to handle

When life throws you lemons, RUN!... Don't try and make lemon juice or look for some hidden optimistic reasoning behind the barrage of lemons.  You have lemons being thrown at you, just run... run you fool!  Once you have a safe distance between you and the lemon cannons, sit back, fill up a kiddie pool with your favorite beverage and relax.  You just survived an attack that very few have ever seen and even fewer have probably survived.  Have you ever heard anyone recount their harrowing escape from the Lemon Army Front or LAF.  I didn't think so!

Virg + water + hint of lemon = Blockbuster Movie of 2012 

What to do when Virg turns two?

How about an apple tree?  Virg had a good time picking one out for his birthday.  Not a shrub or a bush or a hedge, but a tree.  A red jonagold apple dwarf to be precise.  It will be soooo cool.  We'll make apple pie, and hard cider, and apple sauce, and hard cider, and apple butter, and hard cider, and maybe even some apple cider.  It's the gift that keeps on giving... and giving and giving until you go blind.  It will be just like the Dukes of Hazzard.  Where Virg is Bo Duke and Emmett is Luke Duke and I'm Uncle Jesse getting in trouble with the law for making moonshine.  And NO... we will not be replacing Bo and Luke Duke with Coy and Vance Duke after three seasons!  That's just redunkulous.

 For my 3rd birthday I'd like a 1969 Dodge Charger please.
"Yeeeee-Haaa!"

Brothers

Mommy knows what it's like to have a younger sister. Sometimes there would be an argument about who got to wear what dress. Daddy knows what it's like to have older sisters. He also had arguments about wearing dresses. But neither of them know anything about having a brother. Virg is in new territory for this one. However Daddy is happy that there wont be any arguments about dresses... but if there are, Daddy can let them know that they should choose a sundress over a sheath or a shift any day (best to avoid anything without a waist seam).

My brother is awesome! We're going to teach Mommy and Daddy some new tricks!

The Bed Speech

Fathers! Mothers! Gather around, for The Virg has an important message that we must not ignore any longer. Is this a time when your sons and daughters should just lay down and sleep? No I say! No!! Now is the time when we must all rise up and play with trucks and blocks! You may say to me it is getting close to 8:00, but I say to you the specific time is not what is important, but rather what we do with the precious time we have right now! You may say to me that our PJ's are on, but I ask you who is more ON, the PJ's or The VIRG! The VIRG is way more ON! You may say Virg is starting to get a little crabby, but to that I say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I DON'T WANNA GO NIGH NIGH!!!

I believe there is a land beyond slumber,
and we can get there if we work together!!

The power of a booster

Virg has upgraded to Dinner Table 2.0 with the installation of a booster chair. They (the people who control the world) have often compared computer ram to a table. If you're computer is running on 8MB RAM it's like working on a table the size of a small notepad (not the cool new Apple iPad, but the old school paper ones). If you had a 100 terabytes of RAM you'd be working in the salt flats of Utah. Well Virg just upgraded his dinner table RAM. He's gone from a dinky 8MB high chair to at least a 50MB oak table. Now we can constantly have our Mac 'N Cheese program running even when we need to boot up the emergency graham cracker program. There's even extra room for Daddy's little martini app!

I would like to load the Apple Pie program please! myPie!

Dye Hard... boiled eggs

It is impossible to dye Easter eggs and only get color on just the egg. We can shoot a rocket to the moon, we can create a bomb that will wipe out a large city, and we can create a burrito that you can cook and eat in under two minutes (careful, it's hot!), but we cannot create an egg dying kit that will keep the dye off your fingers, out of your mouth, and confined to only the shell of an egg. And who thought up this tradition anyway? Was Jesus dying eggs at the last supper? What in the world does a bunny need with chicken eggs? Who in their right mind would hide a boiled egg. You better hope you find that thing, because it will stink like crazy a few weeks from now. Why does Virg get a chocolate bunny and Daddy doesn't? Do all of Virg's eggs have to look better then Daddies? Why did Virg get to dye more eggs them me?

This will be the coolest egg yet!

Don't worry Daddy, we'll say you made this one.

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Ikea

First of all, don't even start with the whole "Oh why don't men ever read the directions?" Virg and Daddy don't need directions. A dresser is just a fancy box. We can put together a fancy box without some piece of paper telling us what to do! And second, Ikea directions don't even have words, so it's impossible to "read" them. It's just a bunch of pictures with arrows pointing from hex screw 'C' to board 'G'. And we don't need anyone telling us we can't use some extra glue and nails even though they are not pictured anywhere in the directions. It basically looks just like it did in the store... basically.

Daddy, I think this piece is on backwards, and upside down.

(Click for more pics)