What're you rebelling against?

It always happens this way.  The boys grow up, get some wheels of their own and all of the sudden they give you nothing but attitude.  Now that Virg has his red tricycle, all he wants to do is cruise up and down the lawn, looking at his parents like they don't know what's what.  Daddy tried to talk to him about the responsibilities of being a man.  Virg needs to get a job and contribute to society.  Stop all this daydreaming, and come back to reality.  Maybe program a sentient being that will bring order to the Internet, or build a robot army to fight the inevitable zombie epidemic of the future.

What am I rebelling against?  Whaddya got? ... does it have cheese?

Moss Guy, episode 263

There was a movie back in 1982 that you may recall.  It had something to do with a brilliant scientist, a swamp, a damsel in distress, and a monstrous thing.  Can't remember the name.  It was something like 'Swamp Guy' or 'Moss Thing'.  If I remember correctly, the main character was super smart (just like Virg), had a yard that needed a lot of upkeep (just like Virg), and 101 reasons not to do any yard word (just like Daddy).  Grass is overrated anyhow.  Moss is soft, free, and doesn't require any time to maintain.  Besides, I don't want Virg wasting all his time maintaining a beautiful, lush lawn.  I'm doing this for the children!  Won't someone think of the children! 

The moss is calling out to you Daddy... it says keep up the good work!

Too hot to handle

When life throws you lemons, RUN!... Don't try and make lemon juice or look for some hidden optimistic reasoning behind the barrage of lemons.  You have lemons being thrown at you, just run... run you fool!  Once you have a safe distance between you and the lemon cannons, sit back, fill up a kiddie pool with your favorite beverage and relax.  You just survived an attack that very few have ever seen and even fewer have probably survived.  Have you ever heard anyone recount their harrowing escape from the Lemon Army Front or LAF.  I didn't think so!

Virg + water + hint of lemon = Blockbuster Movie of 2012 

What to do when Virg turns two?

How about an apple tree?  Virg had a good time picking one out for his birthday.  Not a shrub or a bush or a hedge, but a tree.  A red jonagold apple dwarf to be precise.  It will be soooo cool.  We'll make apple pie, and hard cider, and apple sauce, and hard cider, and apple butter, and hard cider, and maybe even some apple cider.  It's the gift that keeps on giving... and giving and giving until you go blind.  It will be just like the Dukes of Hazzard.  Where Virg is Bo Duke and Emmett is Luke Duke and I'm Uncle Jesse getting in trouble with the law for making moonshine.  And NO... we will not be replacing Bo and Luke Duke with Coy and Vance Duke after three seasons!  That's just redunkulous.

 For my 3rd birthday I'd like a 1969 Dodge Charger please.
"Yeeeee-Haaa!"

Brothers

Mommy knows what it's like to have a younger sister. Sometimes there would be an argument about who got to wear what dress. Daddy knows what it's like to have older sisters. He also had arguments about wearing dresses. But neither of them know anything about having a brother. Virg is in new territory for this one. However Daddy is happy that there wont be any arguments about dresses... but if there are, Daddy can let them know that they should choose a sundress over a sheath or a shift any day (best to avoid anything without a waist seam).

My brother is awesome! We're going to teach Mommy and Daddy some new tricks!

The Bed Speech

Fathers! Mothers! Gather around, for The Virg has an important message that we must not ignore any longer. Is this a time when your sons and daughters should just lay down and sleep? No I say! No!! Now is the time when we must all rise up and play with trucks and blocks! You may say to me it is getting close to 8:00, but I say to you the specific time is not what is important, but rather what we do with the precious time we have right now! You may say to me that our PJ's are on, but I ask you who is more ON, the PJ's or The VIRG! The VIRG is way more ON! You may say Virg is starting to get a little crabby, but to that I say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I DON'T WANNA GO NIGH NIGH!!!

I believe there is a land beyond slumber,
and we can get there if we work together!!

The power of a booster

Virg has upgraded to Dinner Table 2.0 with the installation of a booster chair. They (the people who control the world) have often compared computer ram to a table. If you're computer is running on 8MB RAM it's like working on a table the size of a small notepad (not the cool new Apple iPad, but the old school paper ones). If you had a 100 terabytes of RAM you'd be working in the salt flats of Utah. Well Virg just upgraded his dinner table RAM. He's gone from a dinky 8MB high chair to at least a 50MB oak table. Now we can constantly have our Mac 'N Cheese program running even when we need to boot up the emergency graham cracker program. There's even extra room for Daddy's little martini app!

I would like to load the Apple Pie program please! myPie!