What would we do without Daddy?!

So, once again, it's time for Mommy to organize a coup de blog, and take over for a few posts to celebrate Father's Day.  This year, the theme is:  What would we do without our daddy?  Who would (in the words of Virg, and in no particular order):

• get up at o'dark thirty and get me cheerios and milk without even spilling, while his eyes are still closed? 
• go mining in the clothes pile for a pair of clean socks and come out with at least two for me to wear to daycare every day (matching or not)?
• break out the mac n' cheese and hot dogs when mommy can't think of anything else to make for dinner?
• sit next to me while I'm learning to use the potty and teach me how to go like a big boy?
• take me to the merry-go-round at the Supermall and then to Red Robin for steamin' hot mac n' cheese on Saturday mornings?
• put an end to the bed-time antics and finally get me to go to sleep at night?
• drive for seven hours straight (which ends up being more like ten and a half hours when you stop for potty breaks and rest stops every 60 miles) to get us to great grandma and grandpa's house to visit for a day and a half and then turn around and drive us back again?
• come upstairs and do tickle fingers to stop all the crying when mommy's hands get too full?
• take us to church thirty minutes past when the worship service started (even though he hates being late) and play with me in the nursery the whole time (so he can't hear the sermon anyway), just so mommy, brother and I can say 'hi' to Pastor Keat on Sundays?
• read "Green Eggs and Ham" before bed, every night, like he really means it?
• make me see how important it is to share with brother?
• find the funniest You-tube videos of babies and puppies that you've ever seen?

Who would?  Only my daddy!

Can someone please snap the picture?

My cheeks are starting to hurt.

Merry Christmas ... in 57 simple steps.

Christmas is a time many parent dread because it involves unpacking children's toys (practically impossible) and assembling children's toys (virtually impossible).  But, as it has been pointed out before, Virg and Daddy can fix/assemble anything with ease.  But how, you ask?  Virg can tell you that there are three simple steps.  First, throw away the instructions, they will only lead to frustration and confusion.  Second, and this is the most important, improvise.  The pictures on the box are only one persons interpretation of what the toy should look like once completely assembled.  Finally, learn to live in an imperfect world.  Sure, there are five to ten peaces you didn't use when building the toy.  It's called conservation, so congratulations, you're saving the world.  And if anyone comments on why it doesn't look like it does on the box, just tell them "Because the toy isn't selling awesome, you have to add that yourself!"

Perfect, now hold still while I get the trebuchet. 

Luthier's apprentice

A wise man once said "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you'll find him on his boat every Sunday, drinking beer, wishing you'd given him more than one stinking fish"... or something along those lines.  However, if you teach that same man to play the banjo, he'll sing you an up beat song about how you did him wrong, and how he ended up standing at the edge of the river, holding the last train ticket for a town called Heartbreak.  Virg and Daddy have found that the banjo has a magical ability to make the most depressing, sad, and vengeful songs sound like the happiest music on earth.  Virg may not have the money for a new banjo, but luckily Virg and Daddy can fix anything.  They may even write a song about it.   

All this banjo needs is some TLC and a whack with a hammer!

Pumpkin whisperer

What should you carve on your pumpkin?  Just do what Virg and Daddy do. Let the pumpkin speak to you, and it will tell you what to do.  It's simple, just stare at the pumpkin until you start to hear voices, then you grab a knife and start stabbing and slashing.  It's wholesome fun for the whole family and really gets you into the spirit of Halloween.  It helps if you eat loads of candy and get yourself a massive sugar rush first.  Although Virg and Daddy found that extra caution is needed when you're holding a pumpkin carving knife and have artistic differences as to what the pumpkin is telling you.  Your pumpkin will end up looking like it has a split personality.

The large fruit says Virg is super cute as Pooh Bear...

the large fruit is the pumpkin in this case, not Daddy.



Home Depot - The happiest place on earth!

Why in the world would Daddy go to Toys 'R Us to get a small, plastic, cheep version of what Virg really wants.  Now hold on, before you go dialing Child Protection Service, we didn't go and buy Virg a new 2011 8360R John Deere Tractor (with Premium CommandView II Cab and Active Seat).  However Daddy may consider a very sweet John Deere riding lawn mower.  The thing has a cup holder!  How in the world could anything go wrong if Virg had a nice cold sippy cup of milk by his side.  Daddy may not remember his high school physics (or anything at all from the four year blur called college), but there is most definitely a law of physics about a person's safety increasing proportionately to the proximity to milk, or a cow that gives milk.  Yup, it has something to do with Diamagnetism and frogs.

Do they have one with a HEMI?

The guitar is dead... long live the guitar!

A cigar box guitar is to a musician as a samurai sword is martial artist.  Everyone wants one after they see it, everyone looks cool holding one, but very few people actually know how to use one.  It's doesn't matter if you know all the theory, if you know all the chords and scales, or if you can play Cliffs of Dover from memory.  Virg understands this.  Virg tells the guitar how he feels at his core, and the guitar becomes his evangelist.  The cigar box guitar is a megaphone for Virg's soul.

 I've got those low down, no raisins blues.

Feeding Time!

It's hard work being a brother.  The time commitment was more than Virg expected, but he has to constantly remind Mommy and Daddy that it's time to change the baby or time to feed the baby.  Mommy seems to have a better time at understanding what's needed.  Daddy just kind of stands there with a glassy look in his eye's saying "The baby is crying again!"... Thanks Daddy, like we couldn't have figure that one out with your extraordinary talent of stating the obvious.

No No Daddy, do it like this.  It's all in the wrist.